It wasn’t until my teen years that my family began to not have to constantly struggle financially, and my mom would go all out with decorating our house for Christmas, finding ways to make the season special. Twinkling lights, beautiful ornaments, special music, family gatherings, and traditions had an almost magical effect that brought a reprieve from the constant struggle and worry which usually hung over our household. I loved Christmas.
THE CHRISTMAS I WAS FIFTEEN
I discovered I was pregnant three weeks before Christmas the year I was 15. No twinkling lights, traditions, or special music could offer relief from the struggle, worry, and fear that resided in my heart. I was lost. Alone. Over the next few months, that struggle intensified until Jesus met me where I was. I surrendered my all to Him.
Christmas the next year was a beautiful experience. I matured knowing the One celebrated and understood the reality of His coming in a way I never had before. He was with me every moment, even when I felt abandoned and betrayed by others.
GOD MET ME IN THE MOMENT
As a teen mom, I worked hard to raise my daughter well. I completed school and honored God with my life. Then my father suddenly died a week after I graduated. Another significant relationship ended abruptly only two months after that. I had no desire to celebrate anything that year. I felt lost in life, very much alone, desolate. Each day I forced myself to go through the motions. Even though my sister and her family were stationed in CA, they walked through the front door on Christmas morning of that year. It surprised us all! God met me in that moment, using her physical presence as a balm to my spirit. Christ knew my needs and deepest desires and was with me, even in my heartbreak.
SORROW AND JOY
Once I got married, I experienced Christmas joy for several years, with my husband, Frank, and our two children, Hannah and Anthony. We didn’t have much but I enjoyed doing all I could to make the holiday special, just as my mom had done. Then arrived the year, two weeks before Christmas, when we experienced a miscarriage. I hated Christmas. The joy-filled people, decorations, and carols were vinegar on my wounds. My heart was heavy for a long time. However, by the next Christmas, we were expecting the birth of our third child, Veronica.
I learned enough to know that a holiday itself cannot hold the promise of complete joy. Years passed, and then came the time I was really looking forward to: celebrating Christmas with our family which now including a son-in-law, two grandchildren, and a daughter-in-law.
THEN CAME JUNE
But that June my son experienced a medical emergency. As the EMTs were working on him in the house, my daughter-in-law and I waited together in my car, praying. From the depths of my soul, I begged for the presence of God to be with us no matter what the day ahead held. Immediately, I was aware that Christ’s name is Emmanuel. Literally, “God with us”.
THE DARKNESS OF SORROW
A tangible peace filled that space as I begged God for Anthony’s life, recited back to God what His Word says about who He is, what He can do, and declared our faith. No matter what, we would stand on the truth of God and His word – as long as He remained with us. Anthony met Jesus face to face that morning. Devastation and heartbreak like I have never known descended on me that day.
EMMANUEL IS HERE
God’s presence doesn’t always look like I think it will. My heart is the heaviest it has ever been with this enormous, gaping Anthony-sized hole. I often feel shattered. This grief would utterly consume were it not for Emmanuel. God with me. Emmanuel has been exhibited through the practical love and care provided by His people. Emmanuel has been there as I weep with my husband and family. I may feel alone, but I am not consumed. He is there as I learn to live each day without my son’s physical presence.
HE MEETS YOU WHERE YOU ARE AND HOLDS YOUR HEAVY HEART
The holy invitation to His presence may not look like we imagine but when we are helpless, heartbroken, lost in our journey, we are not alone. His invitation is open to you, too. He will meet you where you are and hold your heavy heart. So often, we imagine and sing of God coming to save us in the most triumphant display of power and authority. And sometimes in this life, He does. Someday He most definitely will. But this Christmas season, and until that glorious day of Christ’s return, no matter what is happening in your life, I invite you to experience with me that He is Emmanuel. God with us.
Emmanuel, He meets you where you are, He holds your heavy heart, Our God is with us all
