Marriage and Divorce

Device on which you have your Bible to mark chapter 10 this morning. If you don't have your Bible with you, we'll be projecting this portion of God's Word on the screen. Mark chapter 10, verses 1 through 12. Before we get to that, I do want to just welcome Pastor Dan and Kim Blank, who are seated right here on the front row. Pastor Dan is the pastor at our Rikes Evangelical Congregational Church, which is outside of the town of Maytown in northern Lancaster County. They're on the last day of their vacation and they're spending that last day here in the morning with us for worship. Welcome Dan and Kim. We're glad that you're here. Welcome Dan and Kim Blank, thanking them for their ministry at Rikes Church. How many years have you been at Rikes? 26 years. 26 years at Reichs EC. And we've had the privilege, and I should say this, that we're partnering with Reichs and that one of our residents is invited to preach up there as he's learning to preach. So we're very grateful that we have that partnership together up in Maytown. Well, we are in Mark 10 this weekend, and the subjects that we are going to take up today are marriage and divorce. The reason is because these are the topics that are on Jesus mind. They are the next topics that come as we continue our study in the Gospel of Mark. If you're new here this morning, you need to understand that since Mother's Day in May, we we have been studying the Gospel of Mark chapter by chapter, largely verse by verse. Getting a handle on Jesus's journey now to the cross in Jerusalem. And so we turn the pages from a rather exhaustive study of Mark 9, and we get into Mark chapter 10. And lo and behold, the topic is marriage and divorce. We believe that God's truth is God's truth for all of us. And. And yet we also understand that the subject of divorce can be painful for some of us. And I want to say, as one of your pastors, that we have no desire to add to that pain, but we want to offer God's truth to you because we believe absolutely that God's truth sets us free. And so I invite you today to listen closely. Look closely as we read Mark 10 and then listen as I exposit that word and take us not only into Mark 10, but other portions of God's word as well. So mark chapter 10 we'll begin to read at verse one. Jesus then left that place and he went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan River. Again, crowds of people came to him, and as was his custom, he taught them. Now Pharisees came and tested him by asking, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? What did Moses command you? He replied. And they said, well, Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away. It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law. Jesus replied, but as the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and. And the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate. And when they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. And he answered them, anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery. Now, as we get into this study today, I want to ask you a question. Has anyone ever asked you what is called a loaded question? Has anyone ever asked you a loaded question? Raise your hand if you've ever been the victim of a loaded question. You know what a loaded question is? Well, first of all, they're easy to spot. They call for a direct answer of yes or no. And they are essentially most often designed to get you trapped into a corner no matter how you answer the question, so that you enrage someone somewhere. The story that we just read in Mark, chapter 10, verses 1 through 12, hinges on a loaded question. And here's the question. Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? Now, the background you need to understand critical to our study today is, is that those who were asking the question were the Pharisees. And the Pharisees are an influential group of Jewish leaders who absolutely hate Jesus. They are threatened by him and his popularity. We know from previous study in the Gospel of Mark that they are trying their best to plot to get rid of him, even to kill him. And so it's interesting that they show up here in Mark 10, verse one, in the crowd. And I guarantee you that whenever Pharisees show up in a crowd, you can be sure they're up to no good. And they were up to no good in this crowd. Remember, a loaded question is often designed as a trap. And the word of God tells us that the Pharisees designed this question. Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife as a trap to test Jesus and to get him into trouble? By the way, he answered with someone somewhere. Now, this question is a loaded question for A number of reasons. Look again at Mark, chapter 10, verse 1, and you'll notice that the Pharisees presumably waited to ask this question until Jesus was in a crowd of people. Word of God says that he reached out into the region beyond the Jordan river region called Perea, and crowds of people came to hear him teach. And it's interesting, and in my mind, this is probably what happened. They were saying to themselves, let's wait till a bunch of people are around him, and then we'll throw this loaded question like a grenade and we'll see how it explodes and see how people like him after he answers the question. So first of all, it's a loaded question because it happens in a crowd of people. Secondly, it's a loaded question because it is a hot topic among the Jews, and it is hotly debated. A generation before Jesus, there were two rabbis, one named Shammai and one named Hillel. And these rabbis, they interpreted Deuteronomy, chapter 24, and which is the Old Testament provision for divorce. They interpreted it differently. And as a result, two schools of thought were developed around divorce among the followers of Shammai and the followers of Hillel. The followers of Shammai were very conservative, and they were very strict. They said that the only provision for divorce is in the case of marital unfaithfulness or adultery. The followers of Hillel were much broader in their interpretation. They said, if your wife burns dinner, you can divorce her. That's it. We're done. No more ham loaf. Although among Jews, that would not. Yeah, that's probably no more meatloaf without any pork in it. There you go. If you see a woman who catches your eye and she is more beautiful than your wife, you can divorce your wife. The followers of Hillel basically said, anything goes. Now, guess which school the Pharisees favored the anything goes school. Most of them were in bed with Hillel, and they loved that idea of anything goes. And as a result, divorce was a hot topic, and it was hotly debated. Now it was also a hot topic in Roman society. You see, Jesus is presently in an area called Perea. Mark 10:1. He's traveling through Judea. He crosses the Jordan River. He comes into a region called Perea. Perea has a governor. The governor's name is her Herod Antipas. Herod Antipas is recently divorced and remarried. He divorced his wife to remarry his niece. He divorced his wife to remarry the daughter of his half brother, who at the time was married to another half brother. Therefore, she was both his Sister in law and his niece. She fell in love with him, he fell in love with her, they had an affair, he divorced his wife, she divorced her husband who was his brother, and they got married. Now some of you know this story because we studied it in Mark chapter six. Because do you remember who called out the sin of Herod Antipas and Herodias? John the Baptist. And do you remember what happened to John the Baptist? He lost his head. He was killed because Herod Antipas and Herodias wanted to hear nothing about their sinful activity. I just find it interesting that Jesus is the recipient of a loaded question in the very region where John the Baptist answered that question and lost his life. Isn't that interesting? A loaded question for three reasons. I'm sure the Pharisees were confident that they had Jesus backed into a corner with no way out. No matter how he answers this question, someone somewhere is going to be angry, Jewish or Roman, they will be enraged and Jesus is going to be in a heap of trouble. But Jesus is Jesus. Amen. He saw right through their trap. And he saw through their trap into their hearts. Into their hearts. And he answered their loaded question. Yesterday I asked the authority called Google, how do you answer a loaded question? You can look it up later. Don't look it up now, look it up later. This is what Google said. The best way to answer a loaded question is not to play along with it. The best approach is, is to reject the assumption directly before answering. And Jesus does exactly what Google recommends, but he did it before them. This is what he does. He does not directly answer their question, but he takes them on a journey through history. Part one of his answer is a history of divorce. Where it began and why. Look, if you would, at mark 10, 3, 5. What did Moses command you? Jesus replied. Well, they said Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away. And this is what Jesus said. It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law. According to Jesus, divorce dates to the time of Moses and the details are found in Deuteronomy, chapter 24. And you'll be interested to know that women had no rights whatsoever with regard to divorce. Only a man could divorce, only a man. And divorce was never a command of God. It was, however, a concession from God. The word of God teaches us that God permitted divorce. And in Israel, because of the hardness of human hearts. And the reason he allowed it was to protect the innocent victims, the wives, from the hardness and the evil of their husbands hearts. In other words, divorce was Never a legal matter. It was a matter of the heart. Now, that's important to understand because the Pharisees could care less about their hearts. They are concerned about the legality of divorce. Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? It's another way of saying, what does the law allow me to do? Or if you want to be starkly honest, what can I get away with and still be within the parameters of the law? Friends, hear me when I say this. That Jesus point in verses three through five is very simple. Divorce was not God's plan or will for his people. It was the hardness of people's heart that brought that concession. Now, that's part one, the history of divorce. Here's part two. It's the history of marriage. And I love this. Essentially, what Jesus is saying to the Pharisees, you don't understand divorce because you don't understand marriage. Let me teach you about marriage. Look, if you would, at verses six through nine. But at the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they. They are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate. Every marriage that I performed in my years as a pastor, it is that last verse, verse nine, that I quote as I, as I pronounce a man and a woman, husband and wife. Read that last verse with me. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate. This is marriage by God's design. And it's good for us to understand these truths in a little deeper level today. So let's just take them apart. Okay? First of all, at the beginning of creation, God created two genders, male and female. That has not changed since the creation of mankind to two genders, male and female. Jesus quotes Genesis, chapter one, verse 27. So God created man in his own image. In the image of God, he created him. Male and female, he created them. Now, the sequence of creation is as follows. God took dust of the earth, and out of the dust of the earth. Genesis, chapter two, verse seven. He formed man. And the word of God says, he breathed life into man and man became a living being. Genesis, chapter 2, verse 7. Now let's move on to Genesis, chapter 2, verse 18, verses 21 through 23. Creation continues. Then God said, well, why don't you read this with me? Then God said, it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. And while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from this rib that he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. And the man said, whoa. Isn't that what it says? No. Well, it's a new living translation. The man said, whoa. Last night on the way out of church, because this is always. This always happens. People add to the sermon. They like to, you know, we edit things on the way. And I love it. And somebody looked me in the eye and said. He didn't say, whoa. I said, well, what did he say? He said, whoa, man. I didn't get it right away. This morning I woke up, I got it. Whoa, man. Woman. If you didn't get it, you're with me. That's okay. Woman. Whoa. He had never seen anything like that before. Of course, he hadn't seen anything before. Come think of it. But this is what he said. Go ahead and read it with me. This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man. What happens next reveals God's design, His actual will for marriage. Genesis 2:24. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united. Leave his father and mother, leave and be united to his wife. Cleave. And they will become one flesh, one man for one woman for a lifetime, exclusive and permanent. The two become one. In Ephesians, chapter 5, the apostle Paul calls this a profound mystery. Jesus tells us that in marriage, the man and the woman are joined together by none other than God. God creates a unity of two persons, and there is no provision in Genesis for dissolution. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate. In my study of this truth and friends, I have to tell you, I study for this sermon more than any sermon I've written in recent years. Digging deep, trying to understand truth. Bringing together all of our preachers so that wherever they're preaching this morning, they also were digging deep into the word of God. We met two weeks ago, prayed together, talked together, studied together. And one of the scholars I consulted was Dr. Haddon Robinson. He had been the president of Gordon Conwell Seminary. When he retired, he and his wife Bonnie retired to Willow Valley, and they became part of Grace Community Church. And he was a humble and kind man and a man of great insight into the Word of God. And in him. One of his books where he speaks to marriage, this is what he writes. He writes that marriage is not like a business partnership which might easily break up when times get rough. It was like the union of the head and torso. It was a dynamic, integral relationship. As the bow and the violin are one instrument, as the lock and the key are one unit, as the hand and the arm are part of a single body. The therefore we cannot break it. That was God's original design. That's what God intended. That's what is involved in the Genesis statement. That is why the marriage covenant is a sacred covenant. Marriage is not a human invention. It is an act of God's creation and it is a gift to those that he created. Well, I want to tell you something. The Pharisees got a hot lot more than they bargained for. They were sure that they could throw that loaded question right against Jesus and get him good. No matter what he says, someone somewhere is going to be enraged and angry. But Jesus turned the tables on them. And instead of becoming trapped by them, he trapped them by rejecting their question and revealing the truth about marriage and divorce. See, they were happy with a do your own thing, whatever feels good works for me and it can for you as well approach to marriage and divorce. But Jesus reminded them that marriage and divorce and is not a human choice and cannot be easily undone. Well, the disciples remember them. They were there. They were hearing everything that Jesus was saying to the Pharisees. And the word of God indicates in verse 10 that they went with Jesus into a private home somewhere and in that private company with Jesus, they wanted to know more. And this is what Jesus said to them. Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery. And oh my goodness. At first read, this is shocking to us. This is hard for the preacher. This is where you wish that your associate pastor was also preaching today. Instead of singing Bon Jovi here on this stage, which we'll discuss tomorrow, I suggest that we skip this passage of scripture. That suggestion never made it because Jesus would have us preach the whole council of God. This is the word of God. And when you understand this Word, you understand its context. Hard as it sounds, you must understand that this is not the only place where Jesus speaks to marriage and divorce. You must study all of scripture and bring all of scripture together. And we'll do that in just a moment. But you must understand that in Jesus here he is speaking to his disciples, and they have just witnessed a flippant attitude toward marriage and divorce. Anything goes. Is that right? And Jesus tightens the reins, and he makes it clear that the flippant attitude of the Pharisees had toward divorce, that it doesn't matter, doesn't matter to you, doesn't matter to others, doesn't matter to God, is wrong. And Jesus drives home for the disciples the truth that marriage, divorce and remarriage are truly serious matters. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate. But sometimes husbands and wives do separate, and sometimes they do divorce. Sin finds its way into marriage. Hearts that were once filled with love become hard. And from a variety of reasons, divorce happens. It isn't what you intended. You didn't begin your married life with an exit plan called divorce. It isn't how you envisioned life would be. It is not welcome. It is painful and it hurts. And God has not abandoned you. God has not abandoned you. If you have experienced and suffered the effects of divorce for any reason. He cares deeply about you and he loves you with an everlasting love that reaches beyond your hurt and pain, but embraces you and the church should, too. I'm old enough to remember how the church used to respond to divorce. It was a stigma and it never should have been. It was a scarlet letter, and it never should have been. Because it is not the way of Jesus. It is not the teaching of God's word. Hang with me. There is more about that as we study what God's word is, as we wrestle with the reality of marriage and divorce. Let me say these two things to you. First of all, I will only scratch the surface this morning. There is so much to say. And I and every one of our pastors are willing to journey with you in whatever way you need us to. I will scratch the surface. But secondly, as I teach this truth this morning, understand that with a host of pastors, I mingle the call to obedience with tears of compassion. Because I love you so. I know you as my church family, and there are many here who I do not yet know. And I'm working on it. It's why I show up at different doors and greet you at different times. And oh, my goodness, a couple weeks ago, when I greeted at the door that leads right from the stairs right out to the parking lot, you should have seen your faces. You thought you were going to escape me. And I was standing there in full color because I love you and every one of our pastors do. I have not personally experienced the effects of divorce. I don't say that pridefully. I simply say that honestly. But over 40 years of ministry, I've journeyed with hundreds of people who have. And here is what I believe the Word of God teaches. And here is what I believe I've learned from the experience of others. God number one. God can heal a marriage that is broken. I want to say that at the outset, God can heal a marriage that is broken because marriage is his creation. He knows how to fix broken marriages. But it takes two, and those two must be willing to humbly surrender and do the hard work of bringing their marriage back together again. I believe that he can heal marriages. Pastor Will, when he established this church and we began to grow, did something that has brought blessing upon blessing to our church. In the last years before he retired as the full time lead pastor, before I came, he saw that the need was a few paid hours for counseling so that our people could have the benefit of free pastoral counseling that has now grown into a counseling center at the end of our parking lot, staffed by several counselors that you graciously have made available to this congregation and to the families of our church, free of charge. Pastoral counseling that in time of need, you can seek their help beyond what we as pastors are able. I am a pastor. I am not a counselor. I can see you for one or two sessions. But oh my, you need someone who is trained and someone who is experienced and someone who can journey with you. We are blessed with Pastor Steve Brubaker, with Mel Avila, with Deb Groff, and with a host of counseling resources. If you are struggling in your marriage, I say to you today, God can heal your marriage. Seek the counsel and help that is available to you. It takes two. But if you're humbly surrendered and willing to do the hard work, God can heal a marriage. Number two. God gives permission for divorce and remarriage in certain circumstances. The most common question when Christians discuss divorce is aren't there exceptions? And yes, there are. In Matthew, chapter 5 and Matthew, chapter 19, Jesus makes it clear that there are times when the marriage covenant is broken in an unreconcilable way by marital unfaithfulness or adultery, and permission is given. The exception is made for the sin of adultery and marital unfaithfulness. In 1 Corinthians, chapter 7, the apostle Paul identifies abandonment of the marriage by an unbelieving spouse as an exception for divorce. He or she walks away, cuts off the family, cuts off you. But then, what about abuse? I decided to speak to this today because I knew that you would ask me this, and rightfully so. Listen closely. Spousal abuse is a fundamental violation of God's intention in the creation of mankind and marriage. It breaks the bond of marriage and must not be tolerated by the one who is being abused and must not be tolerated by the church of Jesus Christ. We must never sweep abuse under the proverbial rug. Addressing the issues of abuse are beyond the scope of this sermon, but they need to be addressed in confidential Christ centered counseling and with pastors and Christian counselors. You are safe with us because we love you and we care deeply about you. Pastor Kent Hughes, in his Sermon on Mark 10 wrote, Divorce is not the ideal. It is a divine concession to human sin and weakness. And we must realize that if someone divorces and remarries within biblical guidelines and it is not sin. Number three. God wants to heal you if you have been wounded by divorce. God can heal a marriage. But sometimes marriages are not healed. Sometimes because it takes two. Only one wants it. Sometimes it is beyond the ability of reconciliation. It is a broken and fallen world. I wish it was different, but it is that way. And hear me when I say this, God wants to heal you. In my life. There was a woman in our family's life who in the 1970s was abandoned by her husband. Husband, a believer who had an affair and he left her with their children. She was a friend of my mother. I had a front row seat to this as a kid and then as a teenager and then as an adult. Relationship was preserved all those years. For 35 years. She could never forgive her husband for his marital unfaithfulness. It was very painful. And what I observed with her was she kept bitterness in her heart. I was called upon to conduct her funeral. It was very difficult to do so. Very difficult because she didn't have the joy of the Lord. She surrendered it to the bitterness of her heart. And she missed the blessing of 35 years of her family. Bitterness is when you drink poison and wait for. For the other person to die. You know that, don't you? When you drink poison and you wait for the other person to die. And I say this to you with all the love in my heart, don't do that. If you are suffering the wounds that divorce has left. If there is bitterness in your heart and unforgiveness and friends, you're the third service and I've heard story after story. This sermon has generated more texts and more emails in the first service than I've had ever. And the stories are beautiful stories of healing and redemption and gratitude to God. But it requires a crying out to God, Jesus, I need you and he will come to you. And he will heal you and he will bind up your wounds. And because he loves you and he cares about you, do not allow bitterness to grow in your heart. Here's the last God gives grace. God gives grace. God gives us the ideal. But friends, when we fall short of the ideal, and who hasn't? I'm not talking now about marriage and divorce. I'm talking about anything in life. God gives us the ideal. And who of us have not fallen short somewhere in our lives of the ideal? And when we fall short, he gives us grace. And I am so grateful for. For his grace. Aren't you? That's why God sent His son as the atoning sacrifice for our sins. He knows how hard our hearts can be. He knows how the inclination of our hearts is that we want to do what we want to do instead of what God wants us to do. If you have disobeyed God and you have treated marriage and divorce casually and carelessly, then I implore you, confess that sin to the Lord. And he will forgive you. And he will take away the guilt that you are carrying. And if there is shame that you have placed upon yourself or that others have unduly placed on you, he will remove it as well. To divorce is not the unpardonable sin. It is not the unforgivable sin. By his grace, God forgives. Can I go so far as to make this statement about adultery? And I'm reading from Dr. Martyn Lloyd Jones, a brilliant British scholar, when he writes. And I agree. But on the basis of the gospel and in the interest of truth, I am compelled to say even adultery is not the unforgivable sin. It is a terrible sin. But God forbid that there should be anyone who feels that he or she has sinned himself or herself outside the love of God or outside his kingdom because of adultery. No. If you truly repent and realize the enormity of your sin and and cast yourself upon the boundless love and mercy of God, you can be forgiven and I assure you of pardon. I hear the words of our blessed Lord. Is there no one left to condemn you? No one, sir. Then neither do I condemn you. Go and leave your life of sin. Who would we be as followers of Jesus, if we would indeed categorize sins and say, here are the ones that cannot be forgiven. It is by the grace of God that sin is forgiven. But we must be willing to confess and repent and receive his grace. I want to say this as I close today. Your church loves you and cares about you as one of your Pastors, we love you and we care about you. As a church, we must hold marriage as sacred. We must hold it as sacred. And what that means is that we need to be committed to preparing, well, the young men and young women who are marrying within the life of Grace Community Church. That's amazing. The number of young couples who are getting married here. We are. We must do well in preparing them for marriage. Jenny and I never had premarital counseling. You know our story, don't you? I met her in a crisis pregnancy center. You're sitting there stunned. Are you serious? Yes. She was the intern receptionist and my friend was the director. And I stopped by to see my friend and I walked in the door and I laid my eyes on her intern receptionist and I said, whoa. I was quoting scripture at the time. Whoa. Four months later, we were engaged, remarried. One year later, we were married. I love her today more than I loved her then. And we are committed to doing well and preparing. But we are also committed to walking with marriages, couples who are struggling because we care about you. And if you have gone through divorce or you're going through divorce, we care about you and we will walk with you in the grace of God. One thing that we will resist is self righteous judgmentalism. Pastor Will said that if we wanted to be called Judgment Community Church, we would have named it Judgment Community Church. Right, Will? But it's called Grace Community Church because we'll walk with you in grace and truth. This is God's will and it is his word. Thanks be to God. Amen. Father, thank you for your word today and thank you for preserving this truth. I have to tell you, Father, this has not been the easiest sermon because I want to rightly divide your truth and I want your truth to set us free. But Lord, it's not about me, it's about you. It's your word. And these are your people. And as much as I love them and every one of our pastors love this family, you love them more. And so, Lord, wherever the work needs to be done, in healing marriages, in healing people suffering the effects of divorce, in healing pain from sin, wherever it needs to be done, Lord, do that work this morning by your mighty power and your gracious hand, and I pray this in the name of Jesus and all God's people said, stand with me. Let's sing together.