If you know me, you likely know how much I HATE head lice. This is notable because my first career was as a cosmetologist whose primary client base was families with young children. I found evidence of the critters on more than one occasion, kicking off the intensive cleaning protocols required by the state.
I know lice are not dangerous and are one of the most common childhood conditions. However, because of a specific experience as a child, added to the guilt and shame I felt for some of my life choices, lice came to represent shame and judgment to me. I was sure that if my family ever got them, it would be proof of the judgment I deserved— I was gross, dirty, and unworthy. As unreasonable as that thought process was, it fueled irrational fear and anxiety whenever there was even a possibility that one of my children or I might get lice. I often felt physically sick to my stomach and became hypervigilant about checking my kids’ heads. Any scratching guarantees an extra inspection.
OUR FAMILY WAS NOT SPARED
One summer, our family was not spared. It brought my anxiety to a fever pitch. As soon as the pests were discovered, I launched a full-scale attack on the bugs. At the same time, I felt a great deal of shame. Each child’s head was treated with special shampoo and combed daily in precise sections. I vacuumed floors, furniture, and mattresses every day. The washing machine ran constantly. I worked myself to exhaustion for nearly two weeks straight.
GUILT AND SHAME
I knew diligent nit removal was necessary, but something else hit me. I realized that my emotional response was far out of proportion to the situation. There was guilt and shame for failing to live up to the expectations I had of a Christian woman. Where was my power stop it? I cleaned like a frenzied whirling dervish. At the same time, I prayed and spoke Bible verses about God’s love and forgiveness over myself and our home. I asked for His grace to break through my hysteria.
HIDDEN TREASURES
Eventually, I won the physical battle. One of my children remarked about their delight that the ordeal was almost over. Yet they would miss the time we spent together during the daily combing sessions. I was so consumed by fighting my shame and the exhaustion from the physical work that I nearly missed the hidden treasures during that difficult season. Spending uninterrupted time with each of my children—talking about what mattered to them, listening, and laughing together—became a gift I will cherish forever.
BEING LOVED COMPLETELY
I can think of many times God used my children to teach me about His love for me, and this is one I will never forget. He loves me completely (Ephesians 3:17–20). I will still mess up, but I no longer live with the weight of guilt and shame for my sin because Jesus took it when He died on the cross. Because of Him, I am no longer condemned (Romans 8:1–2). He promises to help me and to work all things together for my good (Romans 8:26–28). I can live, depending on His strength and grace, through everything I experience in life, no matter how big or small, even lice.
No matter what form your “lice” take, God’s strength is sufficient to carry you through your deepest fears. What “lice” are you fighting? What source of shame, fear, or insecurity has convinced you that you are unworthy? If you are His child, then He has made you worthy. You are a child of the King. Could it be that God wants to meet you there—not only to free you from that burden, but also to reveal a hidden gift of His grace?